watercolour and ink on paper

The Hare and the Tortoise 2025

The tale of the Tortoise and the Hare reimagined

HARE ridiculed TORTOISE full of softness and curves

With a hand to the crotch this is what you deserve

An orgasm race? What ridiculous dog run dung

You can’t even climax without a shot from my gun

But FOX set the race: last to come gets up the bum

Off TORTOISE diddled on a slow and steady strum

HARE said: TORTOISE lies, fake sighs, wriggly cheats

I come twice a day, you can tell from my sheets

-

And the crowd gathered closer to measure the action

And HARE shrunk smaller with the unwanted attention

While TORTOISE diddled on in a slow and steady strum

HARE shouted this is stupid, why should I perform

You're a twisted voyeur, your perversions deform

Meanwhile TORTOISE quietly came and came again

And what about HARE, deserve-ed anal pain.

TORTOISE
A slow-moving typically herbivorous land reptile of warm climates, enclosed in a scaly or...

HARE
Oh HARE, my poor deluded bunny.  You have such great plans to talk your mind, to...

On steady and race
THE TORTOISE AND THE HARE steady /ˈstɛdi/ firmly fixed, supported, or...