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Not to be believed
“Snowy is a good looking young man, is he not? The physique of a sporty young man, his proportions are nicely balanced, are they not? Sometimes young men can be too thin, too fat, too short, too tall, but our lovely Snowy is such a fine balance of weight and height and is completely lovely when he smiles at you. It is such a shame that his resting face is a frown rather than a smile.
“Of course, that shock of hair came from a bottle. Done at home, we all have had so much time at home, done with numerous attempts at different products. It is exactly as it seems, a form of self promotion. You’ll have noticed he has placed himself in the centre of the room.
“He does not know it yet but he isn’t the hero of his own life. It will be many years before he understands that. Until then he will be forever trying to claim the centre of his stage, trying to call the spotlight to his rather fine visage, but, sadly, his escapades will all fall flat. He is like the thief in the fable about the thief and the innkeeper. The thief attracts attention to himself with tall tales and strange behaviour to scare away the innkeeper to give him the opportunity to steal the innkeeper’s fine coat. As the thief wanders away in a fine coat but all alone, the moral firmly reminds us the innkeeper is the hero of the tale as it is the innkeeper who must not believe tall tales.
“To be fair, Snowy might have faults but he is not as devious as the thief. His downfall is more about timing than intention. Many of us have that problem, do we not? He told me of a party he went to once with his cousin. He hadn’t paid much attention to the invitation, which had a stylized image of a woman wearing only a shirt and a hat on it - the lovely Morwena told him she had drawn the picture when she invited her to the party. It wasn’t her party, she said. Can I bring my cousin? he asked. He said it was because he already had plans but really it was because he could be a little shy when it came to parties. He feared that if he didn’t bring someone with him he could end up as that dreaded wallflower standing by the music speaker all alone. And it is not like it is in the movies where the wallflower is a mysterious, intriguing wit; in reality wallflowers are bores who have no sex appeal and nothing of interest to contribute to the conversation.
“So, anyway, the pair arrived dressed in their finest jeans and shirts to discover a house full of beautiful young delights wearing, seemingly, nothing more than boyfriend shirts and hats of various kinds. Oh the excitement for the young lads, for it was a while ago and they were much younger then. There would be flashes of thighs, or more, for the invite, if they had read it, said dress code only shirts and hats, nothing else. The excitement of doing something a little risque was delectable. The host came to the hall where the lads stood. She was looking stunning in her carefully choreographed black silk shirt falling temptingly on her fine form while the tall black hat imposed her position of host. You boys not wearing hats and shirts? His cousin smiled into the room, he didn’t know anyone at the party, they went to different schools in different areas. Um, I didn’t know. The host smiled at him. That is too bad, Morwena said I had to invite you ‘cause you have fabulous legs - anyway, the rule is only hats and shirts indoors, or you can join the others in the garden through the kitchen. You should come in though, Morwena will be disappointed. Snowy looked in, Morwena waved to him, she was chatting to her friend Sam. Snowy wanted to go in but he had not pre-planned stripping his lower half and in a panic he lost the opportunity to join in. He led the way to the garden to join the (mostly) guys who were attached to their pants.
“He drank a cider. He listened to the guys talking either with bravado about going inside in a minute, or mocking the guys who were inside without half their kit. The commando command. They were all just not brave enough for the insider’s dress code. His cousin passed him a second cider: should we go in? He thought about it. He could do it. He was wearing a hat, he always wore a hat. It was like the poster his dad had in his shed of a singer from a long time ago with wild hair and a hat. He pulled out his shirt, it came half way down his thighs. He has nice thighs, if you keep coming to this pub long enough sooner or later you will see his thighs, these days it takes very little to encourage him onto the table to drop his trousers and do his helicopter impression. But in that party he was a little reluctant, he replied to his cousin: you don’t have a hat. His cousin stepped out of his boaters and dropped them into a carryall that Snowy had not even realised he was carrying - though, of course, he told me, he had brought the ciders so he must have had a bag. His cousin then dropped his trousers into the bag. But they can see your pants. His cousin rolled his eyes. They won’t see my pants ‘cause my legs are so sexy. He had good legs, Snowy had to admit, though he didn’t think they were quite as good as his own. But he didn’t say this, instead he unbuckled his trousers and said: why not.
“It seemed to Snowy that the moment his cousin stepped in the door he was at ease. Smile, chat, sitting between gorgeous girls he had never met before, thigh to naked thigh. While Snowy stood on the edge, that dreaded wallflower. He looked about for Morwena but could not see her. Morwena’s friend, Sam, was in deep conversation with a Che Guevara beret. He kept looking. Eventually he spotted her quite clearly on the stairs leaning into a conversation with a flat cap. Her tiara leaning away from him to the flat cap causing the split in her shirt to ride up her hip. If she had been wearing anything underneath the shirt it must have been very high cut.
“And so it was that Snowy found himself a walk on part in his own story. He discovered it is easy being a wallflower, watching people laugh, watching people flirt, watching people kiss. Watching and wanting to be part but settling for being an observer. He wished he had taken the opportunity which is why given the opportunity now he will usually take on a dare. But he will probably have had a couple before then anyway, dutch courage not a lush. Honest.”
