watercolour and ink on paper

The Hare and the Tortoise 2025

The tale of the Tortoise and the Hare reimagined

YAWN GREAT

HARE ridiculed TORTOISE full of softness and curves

With a hand to the crotch this is what you deserve

An orgasm race? What ridiculous dog run dung

You can’t even climax without a shot from my gun

But FOX set the race: last to come gets up the bum

Off TORTOISE diddled on a slow and steady strum

HARE said: TORTOISE lies, fake sighs, wriggly cheats

I come twice a day, you can tell from my sheets

-

And the crowd gathered closer to measure the action

And HARE shrunk smaller with the unwanted attention

While TORTOISE diddled on in a slow and steady strum

HARE shouted this is stupid, why should I perform

You're a twisted voyeur, your perversions deform

Meanwhile TORTOISE quietly came and came again

And what about HARE, deserve-ed anal pain.

TORTOISE
A slow-moving typically herbivorous land reptile of warm climates, enclosed in a scaly or...

HARE
Oh HARE, my poor deluded bunny.  You have such great plans to talk your mind, to...

On steady and race
THE TORTOISE AND THE HARE steady /ˈstɛdi/ firmly fixed, supported, or...